optic (optic) wrote,

The Grinch That Almost Stole Jewish Christmas

As I assume most of you know, we jews have our own traditions about this time of year. No, I don't mean chanukah, though that can be nice; I mean jewish christmas. What is jewish christmas? chinese food and a movie. that's all we ask, chinese food and a movie. it rules; the chinese restaurants are always full of chinese and jews, and that's it. there's something about chinese food that really cuts through the relentless schmaltz of this season. though I have to say in recent years you christ types have been really infringing on the movie part. it appears that everyone wants to get out of the house and away from family, because frankly I've been seeing too many garish reindeer sweaters at jewish christmas not to be suspicious.

So anyway, this year, the grinch (another name for jesus, I assume) tried his best to take away jewish christmas. first he dumped a ton of snow on us (screw you, bing crosby) and kept dumping and dumping, just to make it extra difficult and dangerous to actually go anywhere. what the hell, isn't that what canada is for? and next, if you can believe it, he closed the one good neighborhood chinese restaurant on christmas. closed! on christmas! what the hell kind of chinese are you anyway? I won't even go into the movie situation, which came down to the options of some three hour brad pitt epic, a mediocre children's movie about a mouse, or a will smith film that one reviewer called the most morally repugnant film he'd seen in years.

but jewish jesus came through for us in the form of the hop thanh market. bok choy, gai lan, chinese sausage, a bunch of leftovers, and a rice cooker -- and we had magic jewish christmas fried rice. sure, it's not quite as good as lounging around in a quality chinese restaurant while the christ types say their mass or whatever, but we ended up having a good time. and of course the best thing about jewish christmas is you can have it whenever you want. thanks jewish jesus!
Tags: being, food
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